People keep asking me what it’s like to be a newly discovered monkey and stuff.
It’s okay I guess.
I mean, it’s not like I was hiding or anything. I discovered myself a long time ago.
I was just sitting on this branch chewing on a stick and some sciency guy comes up to me all excited. He’s like, “YOU’RE A NEW MONKEY” and I’m like, “Naw, man… I’m like 8 years old.” Then he’s like, “I need to see your butt!”
I tried to tell him I wasn’t really comfortable with that. But he was all like, “It’s for science!”
That was a bit of a personal dilemma for me. I don’t want to hold back science… science is important. That’s how we got space ships and velcro. What if my butt is the key to unlocking the cure for restless leg syndrome or some shit? I don’t want to live my life wondering if my prudish upbringing prevented some poor kid from getting rid of his wonky legs at sleepy time.
So I was like, “Alright, man… I’ll show you the goods, but I don’t want to see this on the internet.”